Sunshine on a cloudy Day
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Saturday, March 22, 2008
Alright, so I had a really different morning.
I was laying in bed sleeping and I started having this dream. I was home and I was working on something with my father out in the yard. I was done and tired of working so I looked at him and told him I didn't want to do this anymore. He looked me dead in the face and started yelling at me. He didn't understand why I didn't want to spend time with him and just work on this with him. He was really upset that the precious moments that I have here doesn't want to be spent with him. He wanted time with me since I had been gone and he missed me. He dropped everything and walked away.
I woke up in a crying fit not knowing what to do. It was 9am here so Noon in Florida, I grabbed my phone and called my mother to make sure that they were ok. She said they were fine and told me to go back to sleep... so I did.
The next dream was even worse. I was in a room with friends and these people came into the room and ask me to leave for a moment. I did. When I was asked to come back in I looked in the center of the room and there was a fire burning all of my pot. I started to scream and yell. I told them they had no right. The men said that I had left my purse in the room so they had the right to searched it and they found the pot and Gandalf both of which are illegal. So they were burning my pot right in front of me and I Was screaming and crying! People were holding me back but I was fighting the whole time.
I woke freaking out I jumped off my bunk and took a huge glass of water and just engulfed the whole thing. Of course Gandalf and my Romulan were fine... but still... Panic!
I paced the floor then I did Yoga stretches. All of sudden banging and pounding starting happening above my room. I have a practice room above my apartment so when people use it I hear everything.
Well today I was on edge about everything so I grabbed my keys and for the first time ran upstairs to see what caused all this racket! It was the fencing team! I went up there in my PJs and they asked if they were bothering me. I told them no but asked them if I could join... I think they said that the meeting was on Tuesday, I'm going!
I came back down stairs and I decided to put on music and go on the computer... all of a sudden in one movement Gandalf landed in my lap and just laid there. I held him, kissed him, packed him and now I'm going to smoke him. It's what he really wanted!
I still don't know if I'm back in action yet... but for now I'm moving one step at a time...
Current mood:  Going with the Flow
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
12:37PM
I'm finally up and awake after 8 tries. I swear if you can't get up, you really need to let your body wake itself up! Which is what I did today... which is what I've done everyday for the past couple of days. I love Spring Break.
I've been non-stop. On the Go. Living it up and taking no chances of missing any opportunities (except today I'm not going to Golden Gate Park with Aaron, Christina is in town!!!! FAIR TRADE!).
I've got so much homework to do! Its all good though. I knew this would happen. I got all this homework during Spring Break, I push it all off the first weekend because I need to "relax" and take time off of school! NOW, I have to do it all this weekend! Probably going to hate myself for it... I wanted to go to my first Rave this weekend. I don't know if I should still go. I Probably will, Kaytee really sounded excited when I said I might go. :)
I love this city! I really think it's all about location. Where do you think that you will fit in best? Just because your born somewhere doesn't mean you have to stay there. Thats what I've learned here in California. I do care for Florida... family is there and friends... but it's just not my style.
I'm taking up Pilates! Yep, I'm going to be practicing the moves with my friend Taj and then we are going to go to a real instructor. We just want to get the basics down first because we don't want to go in there and get our butts kicked. I know that after one real session I'm going to be in pain... although I have been in my Movement for the Actor and I'm telling you I feel so much more flexible! YEAH!
:) Yesterday I went into this really amazing old bookstore that had books everywhere, all over the place. The book shelfs were lined one end to the other... books were stacked on boxes so people could get to them. A lot of old and wonderful books. I had to turn in my huge shoulder bag at the front to check it in. When The Lady took my bag she smelled something in it. She gave me a smile. I was so stoned I just giggled and smiled right back!
Current mood:  Daydreaming
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Best date I've ever been on!
We had no plans and had the most amazing day!
I spent 13 solid hours with him!
And I'm still smiling!
Current mood:  giggly Current music: Radiohead and The pounding from the upstairs aerobics class!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
12:20AM
I just got mixed up about daylight saving time and totally tripped out for about 30 minutes!
I Was pacing the floor and everything.
Daylight Savings Time is March 9th this year. Don't forget it!
:)
Current mood:  AHHHHHH!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
2:40PM
Today I woke up and it was raining.
Now some people would insert a comment like screw the rain, I get so depressed when it rains, or Oh man it's raining, now I'm going to get wet!
NOT ME!
I love the rain! I get excited when the rain comes in! I don't want it to rain all the time, otherwise I would live in Seattle, but I love it when in the middle of the week or even for a couple of days it will rain. I take it as the Earth's message to us that it's cleansing time! Lets wash away the past couple of days to make new for the new adventures to come! It's true! Right after the rain everything is refreshed and new, smells great, looks great, feels great!
Now I'm so hyper from the rain and everyone is being so dull because, "It's raining!" Ah... I'm going to go put my galoshes on and jump in puddles! I can do that because I know my feet won't get wet!
Yesterday I walked around the with some people. We really didn't have a plan, we just walked around, looked at the city, talked about everything and nothing, smoked a little, got amazing Chinese food in Chinatown and played with puppies in a dog park. What a perfectly wonderful day!
Current mood:  LOVE Current music: The MoneyMaker Rilo Kiley
Sunday, October 7, 2007
3:17PM
To all who this concerns,
I have a messy:
Room
Kitchen
Bathroom
Car
living room (but that is due to birthday activities)
The time has come to let it out and say, I'm really messy and I LOVE it! I can never find what I want to wear on time and I don't know where my keys are right at this moment but I don't stress.
Someday I will become the neurotic clean type who must have all her clothes facing a certain way and all surfaces of my house be dusted and wiped, but for now, I'm going to be messy Helen.
I'm right where I should be in life. This morning changed everything. I'm ready for almost anything.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
3:34PM
:) It's one of those moments Ashlee is always talking about!
Current mood:  ecstatic
Sunday, August 12, 2007
5:24PM
I started today by waking up to the Sunshine.
I had some juice.
I was in my Pjs all day reading a novel in bed.
I went for a walk around my yard, and then I came back in and finished the novel.
I had these really good Kellogg Snack Bites.
I took a nice hot shower and I sit here and watch The Departed.
I'm getting ready for dinner with my father.
I'm going to go to a late movie with some great friends.
This is one of those moments where I know I'm happy.
This is a perfect day.
Current music: Movie: The Departed
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
12:29AM
I sat in one position in my room for a while. Just sitting. I sat in one spot and stared at one spot on my wall in my room. I just sat and stared.
I thought about everything, not purposefully, I just let my mind wonder within it's own thoughts. I didn't laugh and I didn't cry, I just waited as every memory and moment flash their way into my thoughts. I felt cold but I didn't get a blanket, and I was thirsty but I didn't feel like reaching out to get my completely full cup of chilled water. I just sat here uninterrupted and thought.
I finally got up, put on my pants and a jacket, took a my water and drank it all up.
One thing at a time.
Friday, May 18, 2007
You know that saying, "You can do anything you out your mind to."
What can you say to someone who's mind is racing an hour a minute, with each minute contains about 10 different thoughts and they can't single just one out? What do you say? What do you do?
Thoughts, Ideas, plans, and dreams that constantly flow through your mind and they happen too fast and too rapid that you can't just grab one. A mind that is as big as an ocean, and all these thoughts and dreams are keeping you afloat, and you just keep getting tired of floating waiting and grasping on to these dreams and hopes. You realize that everything would be so much more simple if you could just let go and drift, almost like a break, having a clear brain to just think normal and stop to the busy traffic in your head, to let go of the plans and thoughts and just let go. You can't just live in your mind, you can't just try to survive with thoughts and dreams.
But yet, what fun is it to live in the real world? When as ever anyone loved to actually have a regular functioning brain? People everyday are just walking around, look on a street! The majority of the people will be thinking about lists they have to accomplish, a speech they have to give, or a test they might have to pass. Making plans for dinner or figuring out how to pick up the dry cleaning in time for work tomorrow. But if you look close enough and hard enough, you can find that one person that is looking out in daze, or starring at the sky. They are the ones that dream. They live in their heads completely oblivious to the everyday life and only focus on important things that they feel really impact their lives and the lives of others.
I guess what I'm trying to get at here is, how do I stop dreaming but still be true to myself? I want to give my brain a break.
But I enjoy so much living in my own world.
Sometimes I think I might actually be crazy.
Current mood: calm Current music: Rainy Day By Guster
Friday, May 11, 2007
12:33PM
You say you want things to work and you try for awhile and everything is going great for awhile then you just give up and go back to your old ways.
What am I suppose to do now?
Let me know, I'll get back to you!
Current mood:  upset Current music: Whole wide world
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
This is one of those moments that I'll never forget for the rest of my life.
Katie's Baby was born. Tristan Anthony 7 lbs. 15 ounces. Beautiful baby boy!
I'm happy and settled with everyone! These have been the most perfect three days!
I get my mom, even though she is sometimes hard to please she really loves me, it's the best.
I spent the past 2 days with Anna and Catherine... I love when you haven't seen someone for most 6 months but it doesn't matter because you can talk and hang out like no time has past! That is real love!
I'm so happy right now!
I'm ready to be like this for the rest of my life!
Good night LJ readers, I'm back in Jacksonville tomorrow, and I'm ready for happy times!
Current mood: Spectacular Current music: The news
Monday, April 30, 2007
Is it at all possible to have a allergic reaction to studying.
Because this has happened four times that while I try to read my chapter for my exam I start to sneeze uncontrolably.
I'm not kidding!!!!!
I was really getting into my studying 2 minutes ago and I couldn't stop sneezing, and now that I stopped reading because I had to post about this, I'm not sneezing anymore...
OMG... I even took a break just now and then started to read again and after 15 minutes I started Sneezing again!!!
I'm freaking out!!!
It is too Funny!
Current mood: WOWed
Monday, April 2, 2007
I'm in the UNF Library
It's so quiet
All I want to do is scream really really loud and see what everyone would do
I've wanted to do this since I was 15
I REALLY REALLY want to do it
I'm doing!
(one day)
Current mood: excited
Saturday, January 27, 2007
I woke up from my dream today. I always had the ability to look at the world and society with bright open eyes and see only the good in people. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I work really hard to try and make the image of people acceptable. What can I say I'm an Optimist, but today has changed everything.
The question that is plaguing my mind is, "When did everyone stop caring?" While driving through a parking lot I could tell that this woman was trying to get into this one lane but no other drivers would allow her space to merge in. I stopped knowing the feeling of being stuck and gave her the ability to pull into my lane. I felt a bit of warmth knowing a helped someone, but my feeling was interrupted by the anger driver behind me honking his horn because I allowed someone a car space. Clearly I had broken rule number 12 in How to be an asshole on the road, My bad! I shrugged it off knowing that one little incident wasn't enough to stop me from being happy. There are jerks in the world, I'm not completely dumb to think there aren't.
I realize though that these small incidents that seem to only be one problem and one jerk is turning into a few problems and quite a few jerks. I need a single dollar to put on my osprey card because the copier machine doesn't except change. I had a dollar in quarters and innocently though that a random pedestrian could make a switch accepting my silver for his green. After asking politely and explaining my tribulation he simple states with out any hesitation, "I really hate having change, so no." Take a minute... I needed one too.
To continue with more situation that have happened to me in the past 2 hours would take longer than I would like to admit, and I no longer want to complain. I just want to know when. When did everyone just stop caring?
In my quest to try and understand what is happening I came upon this tree. Since we are in the middle of winter and it's cold the tree has lost it's leaves. The color of the tree is gray and looks almost dead. I almost passed completely by it, but when I looked closely I could see three small green leaves hanging on to the tip of the branch. Even though is whole tree had obviously given up and turned to gray, leaves falling, and berries dying, these three green leaves had hope. They had hope that once winter is gone and everything clears up the tree will spring back to life and help each other survive. They wanted to show everyone they were here wanting to make the tree come back to life. But for now they are alone working with each other and waiting. Waiting for more leaves to turn green.
I have hope.
I have love.
I want to turn the tree back!
And I will!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Everything is so different.
I have so many thoughts in my mind and I can't seem to put a finger on any of thing long enough to type them.
I'm leaving things up to the last minute. Don't you just love that.
I feel asleep with a pretty kitty today.
And I'm at a birthday party right now and I'm bugging of there computer because my parents still don't believe in internet at my house.
Love one another, stop judging.
I have an itch on my arm, I'm going to go itch it!
Current mood: amused Current music: "It's going Down" Yung Joc (Catherine I'm thinking of you)
Thursday, November 30, 2006
4:38PM
Your not ready, I promise.
Thursday, November 2, 2006
The Florida Vs. George Game which causes a bunch of traffic and horrible people in Jacksonville.
A 5 year old girl taking her mom out to a movie. This little girl really pulled out $20 and said I'm taking out my mama! Her mom laughed and mentioned that her dad gave her the money! ADORABLE!
Finding a puppy that you want and have been admiring for a few days and then finding out she is already taken by someone else.
A british woman was trying to pay me with her UK bank card. It was the coolest thing ever!
Being yelled at by a 75 year old woman for helping someone else and not paying attention to all her needs right away! Meanwhile for the rest of the night had to yell through 4 sheets of glass to over 400 people; losing my voice in the process
Having a special bonding momet with Courtney at Sticky Fingers! Remember the waiters!
Dishes seem never ending in my kitchen. As many times as I do the dishes, 2 hours later there are more.
Having the most amazing conversation with a 40 year old at the movie theatre. He had bought a ticket from me and we started talking about it. It made him 20 minutes late to the movie. And he didn't care. I love when you can connect with someone even if its just for a moment.
Realizing there is a person in your life that is being unappreciated.
Handing out flowers to all the people you meet in one night to make sure that they feel appreciated. Even if you don't know them, including that one person that needed it the most.
I am so happy and I love my life! I have flaws and I have problems but I smile because I know I am surrounded by love!
To everyone, You all knock me off my feet with love!
Current mood: blissful
Friday, October 20, 2006
There are four different ways to eat an apple.
#1) Some people like to take the approach to eating an apple is by taking an apple corer and taking out the middle. then proceed to cut the apple into perfect, same size, apple slices. This allows you to enjoy your apple without getting messy. This is the safest way to eat an apple.
#2) Another successful way to eat an apple is to peel the skin away with a skin peeler. Some people prefer not to have to deal with the tough shell (skin) of an apple so they want to dispose of it nicely by peeling it off therefore allowing you free rain to the rest of the yummy insides. Simple, easy, and not a lot of clean up!
#3) This one can be kind of dangerous. Some people just like to take a knife and cut pieces off. Seriously, they show no fear and accept the fact that they might get cut in the process but they enjoy this way of eating. Adds a slick and cool way of eating an apple. I mean James Dean the ultimate rebel used to just cut his apple right in his hand and enjoy a great chuck of apple. This also allows great sharing, just cut off a piece for the person next to you.
#4) And last but not least the in your face apple eating. This is when someone just takes an apple and just starts taking bites. They only evaluate for a second and then they choose just the right spot where they're going to dig in first. The best part is once you start you can't stop. You must keep on eating. The person could look like a really gross, total fool because they're taking huge bites into an apple, letting the juice fall down your chin. But it doesn't matter because for these people they are really enjoying that apple not caring what people thing.
I had a Granny Smith Apple on the Green today. It was the best apple I've ever tasted.
Current mood: calm Current music: Howl's moving Castle
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
This could possibiliy be the weirdest day ever. I mean I've had weird days before for today... I mean really weird1 I woke up to day sick. I was late to class because I couldn't move from the floor of my bathroom! It was the oddest thing.
When I was driving to school today I was honked at 4 times. For no Reason. I swear I was driving fine in the show lane and just minding my own business. I checked to see if my trunk was open, my blinker was left on or my cost was hanging out of my door, but nothing?
Then since I took out all my CDs from my car I was listening to the radio. And all my favortie oldies came on. It was great. This also made me late to class... BUt I thought with the morning I had! I could take this moment for me.
And NOW I'm so excited about tonights Dinner and movie fun! Hanging out with all my really cool friends!
Current mood: I don't know!
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